I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
