"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
