2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
