Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
