I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
