i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize