she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Randomize
