My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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