Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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