All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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