Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
