Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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