Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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