I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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