Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
