You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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