Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
