Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
