perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
