i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My dad is sitting where you rode me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
