i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
