? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
