I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
