you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
