Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
