you guys were way drunker than both of me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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