He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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