If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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