u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
