so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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