i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
