Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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