Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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