If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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