Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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