Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
