I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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