It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
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we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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