she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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