it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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