We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
