I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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