I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
