am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
