she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
