i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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