doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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