god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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