she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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