My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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