Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
