Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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