Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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