oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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