its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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