census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
