You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
