So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
