It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We have so much sex to catch up on
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.