In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.