I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
