I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
is that a dick in a sweater?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
