Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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