He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
