Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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