Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize