I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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