so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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