census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
